A lot happened last week. Most of it didn’t make the news. Unfortunately, some of it did…

In POLITICS, with the next 48-hour Democratic Primary Death Match nearly upon us, pundits desperately tried to squeeze the last bit of drama out of this entirely mundane run-up to a largely scripted dog and pony show. Since we’re playing this for entertainment value anyway, I have a suggestion: Let’s do an hour before the debate called “Who Wants to Lead the Free World Anyway!” Have a trivia round, then a round of that tennis ball gun game from American Gladiators. Top 8 play musical chairs until there’s only five. Winners get to debate. Everyone else shuts up until 2021.

Speaking of Democratic POTUS candidates, the AP ran a fact check on recent statements made by some of the frontrunners on the topics of immigration, health care, and the economy. Shockingly, these quotes contained misleading statements, intentional omissions of relevant facts, and outright lies.

In response, in his perpetual bid to show everyone he’s “The Best” at everything, President Trump one-upped these potential campaign opponents by spending last Tuesday at the Turning Point Teen Student Summit lying to teenagers. But no one paid any attention to what the President said, because everyone was talking about the fake Presidential seal that ‘mysteriously appeared’ behind Trump during the event.

In other political news, Robert Mueller testified before a congressional committee, again, and said what he already said, again, and refused to say what he already refused to say, again. Except that he was worse at it this time, leaving left-wing pundits to sulk like Ralphie wearing the pink nightmare.

After the hearing, during which Democrats asked Mueller to read from the text like a third-grader and Republicans talked about the Clintons, various leftwing pundits were heard to say: “See! Trump’s guilty… of something… because he is!”

In response, Trump advisor and walking, talking “I’m Not Racist, But…” meme, Stephen Miller, described the President as, “Pure as the driven snow, wholesome as white milk, crisp and clean as my linen sheets…”

In SPORTS, in the run-up to the next NFL season, Amazon Prime is broadcasting its latest installment of All or Nothing, which would be a great show if it wasn’t about stuff that happened a year ago. It’s an entertaining program, but knowing the Panthers got “Nothing” drastically reduces the drama.

Speaking of NFL football, ESPN is predicting Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes will be even better than last season, when he threw for more than 5,000 yards and 50 touchdowns. They base this prediction on the fact that most of Andy Reid’s QBs show marked improvement in their sophomore seasons. If by “better,” they mean “finally beating Brady” that would be cool.

And, in MLB, the Red Sox scored 44 runs in a four-game series against the Yankees. The scores would have been higher, but BoSox hitters developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome from rounding all those bases. In response, MLB officials reportedly screamed, “There is nothing, seriously, NOTHING, going on with the new baseballs! Why do people keep asking!”

In APOCALYPSE IS NIGH News, a 16-year-old kid won the first ever Fortnite World Cup, earning a $3 million payday; and the second-place finisher won $1.8 million. Good luck getting your kids to do their homework, parents.

In WEATHER, meteorologist Roosevelt E. Roosevelt says “It’s hot, HOT and WET, and that’s not good!” This is accurate. Yesterday, two frogs and a duck knocked on my door begging to come inside.

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

A Lasting Commission from LtCol Faircloth

A Lasting Commission from LtCol Faircloth

One of the highlights of my writing career was the day I got a call from LtCol H. Spencer Faircloth (Ret.). Spence wanted my help writing a book about his extraordinary life. He didn’t land at Normandy on D-Day. He was still a kid, back home in Georgia,...

Horrific Tragedy in a Beautiful World

Horrific Tragedy in a Beautiful World

On Easter morning, while millions around the world gathered in worship and celebration, a handful of religious fanatics came together to murder Christians, to murder families enjoying a holiday vacation… to murder at least 45 children. The speculation as...

A Higher Call

A Higher Call

“A Higher Call” by Adam Makos is an honest, intense, and expertly crafted book. It is, without reservation, one of the best historical books I have ever read. An exceptionally detailed, exquisitely rich picture of life both during and after World War 2. It...

7,670 and counting

7,670 and counting

I was at the grocery buying an anniversary card, because that’s what you do when the Hallmark next door has vanished without a trace. The cashier snuck a peak at the card and her eyes went wide. “Happy Anniversary! How many years.”“Twenty-one.”“Wow. Uh … I...

Writer & Editor: The Perfect Team

Writer & Editor: The Perfect Team

I work with some terrific editors who understand the subtle difference between directing a writer and correcting their work. Both are important; and both are vital to a successful story. But the secret to that success lies in understanding when and where...

7,670 and counting

7,670 and counting

I was at the grocery buying an anniversary card, because that’s what you do when the Hallmark next door has vanished without a trace. The cashier snuck a peak at the card and her eyes went wide. “Happy Anniversary! How many years.”“Twenty-one.”“Wow. Uh … I...

Writer & Editor: The Perfect Team

Writer & Editor: The Perfect Team

I work with some terrific editors who understand the subtle difference between directing a writer and correcting their work. Both are important; and both are vital to a successful story. But the secret to that success lies in understanding when and where...

Spell Check Two-Step

Spell Check Two-Step

In their preschool years, of my boys’ favorite shows was a PBS educational cartoon called Super Why. The four main characters in the show, the “Super Readers,” are storybook characters with reading-based super-hero alter egos. One of the characters in the...

Research as a Creative Writing Prompt

Research as a Creative Writing Prompt

Research allows you to learn things you did not previously know. Duh. It also introduces you to new worlds, strange ecosystems and unfamiliar social networks. This new information has the potential to blast through your writer’s block like dynamite… if...

Vero Beach

Vero Beach

Vero Beach And Other Hidden Gems on the Treasure Coast   When vacationers, even many Florida natives, think about hitting the beach on the Atlantic coast, they head to Daytona, Cocoa, Lauderdale or Amelia Island. Florida’s Treasure Coast is treated as...

Captiva, FL – Pirates, Parrots & Mucky Ducks

Captiva, FL – Pirates, Parrots & Mucky Ducks

Situated off the southwest coast of peninsular Florida just north of Sanibel Island, Captiva takes its name from a local legend. According to the tales, infamous swashbuckler, Jose Gaspar, imprisoned women he was holding for ransom somewhere on this little...

Banish Writer’s Block For Good

Banish Writer’s Block For Good

Many, if not most prospective writers are born storytellers. Sergeant Friday would hate us because we rarely, if ever, stick to “just the facts, ma’am.” We love to recite even the simplest activity in narrative form. Whether it be a relatively mundane...

Avoid This Communication Trap

Avoid This Communication Trap

With his trademark understated cultural satire, Bill Watterson strikes a chord for all of us who are sick to death of — or at least hopelessly confused by — empty jargon, meaningless, business-speak and other words that take up space but communicate...

Lady and the Scamp

Lady and the Scamp

Lynette Birch has a simple philosophy. It hangs around her neck, a thin charm wrought in gold, a single letter connected to a twisted strand of rope. Y knot. This message pours from the heart and radiates from the smile of a lady who has every reason to...